“Even if your mother hated her body, you don’t have to. Even if you hate yours, you don’t have to always, your daughter doesn’t have to. One of the best ways to love ourselves is to give ourselves what we didn’t have. And one of the best ways we can love our children and those close to us is to give ourselves and each other what we didn’t have. We don’t need to be perfect to do any of this. We can do it all as we are. ”
Disordered Eating
Disordered eating can often lead to diagnosable eating disorders when it negatively impacts your physical and emotional health, relationships, or daily life.
If you are often worried about how you look and are preoccupied with eating the right amount, are anxious about or avoid social interactions due to the food that will be served or not served, or want to avoid being seen, it may be time to reach out to get support on working through the emotional impacts this may have on you such as a low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
So what is disordered eating?
following diets or frequently being on a diet to impact your weight and shape.
feeling dissatisfied with your health, body, weight, size, or shape.
weight fluctuations occur due to excessive exercise while restricting food followed by weight restoration.
Sometimes this is an ongoing cycle that restarts when feeling guilt or shame around gaining weight or not losing “enough” weight.
Disordered eating is the most common risk factor for developing an eating disorder.
Eating Disorders
Eating disorders are more serious because they have already begun to impair your ability to function in many areas of your life by placing so much time, energy, and focus on food, exercise, and body weight, shape, and size. In more severe cases there can be serious health consequences due to the physiological damage eating disorder behaviors have on your body. Some of the most common eating disorders are:
A Typical Anorexia nervosa
Anorexia nervosa (AN)
Bulimia Nervosa (BN)
Binge Eating Disorder (BED).
Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder (OSFED)
Treatment Team
Eating disorders are serious, therefore when working in outpatient treatment, it is important for you to have a treatment team that not only consists of a psychotherapist, but also your primary care provider, registered dietician, and prescribing provider if you are taking medication. We all work together to provide you with the best treatment care you deserve. Life without an eating disorder is possible!
*As a reminder, you are not the diagnosis. You may have a diagnosis, but it is only one part of you that can and does change. You have an innate part that can move you toward your definition of healing, resilience, and thriving. I call that your Spirit, other names for this part may be internal wisdom, your wise mind, your Self, your authentic self, etc. The eating disorder part needs to trust that you no longer need it to survive unprocessed trauma or painful life experiences so it can transform into the role it was always supposed to have. This takes time, patience, and compassion.
Parenting and Disordered Eating
Although family roles have shifted, and more dads have stepped up and either share the responsibility of preparing family meals/caring for children or are the primary caregivers in the home, my current work is geared toward women (those who identify as female) and mothers who hold this role in their homes (whether working outside of the home or not) and specifically have daughters (female identified children). Boys, men, non-binary individuals can and do develop disordered eating or eating disorders and would benefit from support from someone who specializes in those areas. However, for clarity, I will be using the female pronouns and the word daughter as a Womanist focused practice.
Is it my fault my daughter has food and body concerns?
I need to highlight, that you are not to blame for your daughter’s challenges with food or body image. Not only is this way of thinking a white supremacist “pick yourselves up by the bootstraps” mentality that I no longer subscribe to, but also most of us do not take on the role of mother and decide we want to instill body hatred or rejection into our daughters. We often do our best to raise our daughters to be healthy and safe. Unintentional modeling happens with effective and ineffective ways of being. Additionally, social, political, historical, and cultural factors are involved in the development of eating disorders. This is why I believe that eating disorders and body image issues are social justice issues.
Although, as mothers, we are typically the first teachers, our culture is obsessed with the thin ideal, and these expectations are typically highlighted in the policing of female bodies. This starts as early as posting the weight of your baby at birth and the comments, judgments, and comparisons that follow from family or friends. Additionally, this continues in many facets of life from implicit or explicit information/opinions regarding your daughter’s body size and shape. Unfortunately, the weight-stigmatizing medical system will compound these beliefs. Teachers, coaches, and others who come in contact with your daughter can also perpetuate anti-fat bias that causes a lot of harm as she tries to make sense of all the information she is taking in and where she fits into these narratives, especially when holding multiple marginalized identities.
However, you are capable of self-discovery and insight, which will inevitably change the messages you provide to your daughter.
How could my disordered eating and body dissatisfaction impact my daughter (children)?
In my work with women and mothers with disordered eating or eating disorders, I have noticed a common concern regarding how to raise “healthy” (often code for thin)children. When we struggle with disordered eating/eating disorders, this can often translate to worry about our daughter’s body weight and shape.
Such as:
limiting the amount of food your daughter can eat at one time.
limiting the amount of “junk” foods she can eat.
asking your daughter to finish everything on her plate even when she reports feeling full.
telling your daughter she can only have a treat/dessert if she finishes X “health” food.
concerns about your daughter’s weight at the yearly check-up, even though she is overall growing well according to her growth chart.
forcing your daughter to exercise and taking privileges if she refuses.
forcing your daughter to ignore the feeling of fatigue or exhaustion while engaging in sports or other physical activities and calling it athleticism.
forgetting to provide your daughter with a snack or meal because you are not hungry.
using food as a reward or restricting food as a punishment.
These are only a few ways our own beliefs can impact our daughter’s trust in her inherent ability to notice her hunger and satiety cues. Once we become aware of our own anti-fat bias and desire to fit the thin ideal, are we prepared to question and reject societal norms that move us away from trusting our bodies and honoring them as they are, not as the health and beauty industry tells us they should be.
Through self-discovery, learning, and unlearning you can move closer to your definition of recovering, and your daughter will benefit. Although it’s not easy, when we let go of guilt and shame over how we attempt to cover our wounds and instead tend to our wounds, we become more liberated and a wonderful example to our daughters that even when we fall short, we can grow and create change.
Here are statistics and research showing how bullying and weight shaming impact children as young as 6.
